after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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