Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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