i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
