Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
