Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
