i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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