I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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