I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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