remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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