I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
