i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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