Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That accounts for only three of the penises
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
