first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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