Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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