I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
