So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
