are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
