There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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