and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
