You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
