"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
