Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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