yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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