I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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