So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
