she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
