You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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