I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
