If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
