I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
