if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
