Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
