just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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