So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I smell stomach acid.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
