So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
