He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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