he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
