My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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