There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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