I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
