Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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