Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
