you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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