there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
