You're completely useless in the revolution.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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