Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
