And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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