Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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