is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
