The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I cut my penus on the lid.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
