you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
how drunk are you?
Several
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
