3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
