a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
